I Had to Master the Three Nacho-isms Before Making The Ultimate Nachos
“What is the one topping you must have on your nachos?”
This is the question I’m asking everyone in the office, one at a time, as I scoot around in my rolly chair. I’m obviously taking this very seriously, so of course I’m taking detailed notes and responding only with straight-faced mmm-hmm’s and quick nods. I’m not making just any old batch of nachos here. I’m making the nachos of LEGENDS—the nachos you’ll be telling your grandkids about while they gather around your rocking chair in a post-apocalyptic bunker. Nachos that will make you wake up in the middle of the night with the cheese sweats. I’m not messing around.
This is extreme nacho-ing (a crazy new sport where you put lots of things on chips and eat them) and I’m here to test the limits of the tortilla chip. So let’s get shredding. *whips out previously holstered cheese grater*
Before I make these epic nachos, let’s go over the basic tenets of extreme nacho-ing, known as the three nacho-isms.
No chip left behind: I want to see cheese on every.single.chip, people. No sad, dry chips (what we in the extreme nacho-ing community refer to as, “baldies”) on the edge or underneath. No one wants those. This is going to require some layering (chips, cheese, chips, cheese, etc.) and some good, old-fashioned attention to detail. The real heroes achieve maximum coverage with a blanket of hot, drizzleable queso. (Yes, I said blanket.)
Hot cheese, please: Cold cheese on nachos gets a big thumbs down from me. It hardens/rubberizes and then you might as well be eating American cheese singles straight out the fridge on some saltines. Give it to me hot, melty, gooey, and bubbling. Achieve this by building your nachos on a baking sheet, in a cast iron pan, or anything that can play double-duty for heating and serving.
More is more: It's simple math. More queso is more queso is more queso. This applies to any and all toppings. Forget calories exist and think only of reaching your highest nacho potential. Pile it high and regret nothing.
Master these fundamentals and you’ll be extreme nacho-ing in no time.
The final lineup for the big game—fueled by the suggestions/demands of the office—included
- Five kinds of cheese
- Four juicy meats
- Three peppers
- Two creamy beans
And a partridge in a pear tree (sorry, I couldn’t resist).
Also, veggies. For decoration.
Fast forward through me shopping, chopping, shredding, melting, drizzling, and performing other nacho prep-related tasks. Wait, pause. Rewind. Aaaand stop. Right there. That’s me adding the finishing touch and casually demonstrating the four-finger-cotija-sprinkle (a classic extreme nacho-ing move).
Gratuitous Cojita Cheese Sprinkle
These nachos were just begging for some glamour shots, and of course, we obliged.
Gorgeous, right? Here’s a list of all the toppings: Tex-Mex Queso (aSpice 'n Easy mix that you just stir into milk, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, and lime juice), cheddar cheese, mozzarella cheese, quesadilla cheese, cotija cheese, bacon, Taco-Seasoned ground beef, chorizo, carnitas, pickled jalapeño, green chiles, bell peppers, refried beans, black beans, red onions, avocado, tomatoes, scallions, cilantro, limes, and a sour cream drizzle.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Maybe I should get in on this whole ‘extreme nacho-ing’ thing.” Here’s why I think you totally should:
The third best thing about extreme nacho-ing is that there are no rules. Or recipes. Just throw the chips, cheese, and any other “hot” ingredients (cooked meats, caramelized onions, etc.) into a 300 degree oven and pull them out once all of the cheese is melted. It doesn’t take long! Maybe 5 to 10 min. depending on the size of your nachos. Quickly top with your remaining fresh ingredients and serve immediately. That’s it. No measuring. No out-of-bounds. No double dribbles. Double dipping on the other hand… hey, I’m not gonna stop you.
The second best thing is that everyone wins because even if you lose (you can’t), you still have nachos. And that’s a win in my book.
And the best thing? You tell me! Draft your nacho dream team and show us what you got. Tag @savoryspiceshop on Instagram with your ultimate nachos for an extreme nacho-ing championship that starts now! Winner gets nachos.